Q & A: Senatorial Bets Manny Pacquiao and Alma Moreno

After interviewing in the past former president Fidel V. Ramos, former Five-Time Speaker Jose de Venecia, ambassador from other country, 2016 presidential front runner Senator Grace Poe, 2016 vice presidential wannabes and Senators Alan Peter Cayetano, Chiz Escudero, and Ferdinand "Bong Bong" Marcos, Jr., I think these two interviews I had with two prominent political figures in the country would be my icing on the cake after I retire in the interesting world of the media in the Philippines to prepare myself in the likewise interesting catering business dahil wala palang masyadong kita dito sa media.

Interviewer Mortz C. Ortigoza (L), who sidelined as boxing anal-list, er,
analyst posterity poses with boxing icon and Congressman Manny
Pacquiao in his training camp in Baguio City. Ortigoza was probably
the only analyst in the Philippines who predicted  on TV and radio a
month of the over hyped Floyd Mayweather vs. Pacquiao that
the American would dominate the Filipino superman. You can read 
that analysis by clicking the link here Historical Photo versus Historical Puta

Here are senatorial candidate Manny Pacquiao, the epitome of patent and scandalous absences in the Philippine Congress and a shoo-in at the respectable pollsters Social Weather Stations and Pulse Asia, and bumbling actress Alma Moreno in a satirical Questions and Answers (Q & A) as they prepare for the 2016 senatorial run. Excerpts:

Q: Champ, ever since there is non-stop killing in your island Mindanao, how’s the peace and order situation there now?

PACQUIAO: Well, you know.... it is bad. Many fish like tuna, dorobo, tilapia, and hito but no order... very bad.

  Q: Totoo po ba Congressman Pacquiao sa isa ninyong madalang na attendance sa House, gusto daw ninyo mag pasa’ ng urgent resolution for the immediate arrest of John Doe at Jane Doe, bakit po?

P: Lagi ko kasi silang nadidinig na kasangkot sa maraming krimen. Minsan madidinig mo na lang sa radyo o TV na ang mga criminals na nahuhuli sa Manila, may isang lalaki at may isang babae na John Doe at Jane Doe na kasama na parang palos  na nakakatakas sa police dragnet. After one hour nasa Zamboanga na naman sila kasangkot ang tatlong pinangalanang Abu Sayaff at isang John Doe at Jane Doe na nambomba. Parang si Kumander Tootpick at Kumander Inday ito, may pagka aswang. Isang oras lang nasa Zamboangga na! May anting-anting ata itong mga hunghang, mas mabilis pa silang lumipad sa PAL o Cebu Pacific.

Q: Pati Anti-Fencing Law gusto ninyo daw buwagin, bakit?

P: Kasi iyong kapit bahay namin sa Saranggani hinuli ng pulis. Mi Prima Facie daw na bumili ng nakaw, ayon kinasuhan ng Anti-Fencing.

Bakit siya kakasuhan ng Anti Fencing? Hindi naman siya tutol sa pagpapader sa palipaligid ng mga kapitbahay niya. Saka hindi naman siya naglalaro ng fencing iyong eskrima ng payat na espada gaya doon sa pelikula ni Zorro. Ang alam noong kapitbahay namin na gamitin iyong espading iyong itak pamputol sa mga tubo doon sa amin at iyong ginamit na pang tuli kay Bobby na kapatid ko.

Q: Nadinig ko pati si Prima Facie gusto din daw ninyo ipahuli sa NBI?

P: Oo, kasi mapa –Manila man o mapa Cebu ako nadidinig ko na kinasuhan si niho at si niha dahil may Prima Facie. Foreigner siguro itong si Prima Facie, masyadong malakas, hindi nila  hinuhuli kahit na sinabi na ng uturidad na kasali si Jose, Pedro, Juan sa krimen dahil kay Prima Facie. Dapat may national manhunt dito kay Prima, mas masahol pa it kay John Doe at Jane Doe.

Q: Pero senator, este, congressman, Prima Facie ay Latin words ho iyan. It means sufficient corroborating evidence appears to exist to support a case.

P: I don’t care about that, you know? The case you meant, you know? There should be a manhunt next week, right now! Tama ba ang grammar ko? Paki delete na lang sa blog mo pag mali. Mas masahol pa itong si Facie kay wanted Dinagat Island Congressman Ruben Ecleo, Jr, iyong mukhang sinto-sinto na bangag na kasama namin sa Kongreso.

ALMA MORENO

MORTZ: Maam Alma, what is your stand on K-12?

ALMA: (Shrieked and guffawed just like what she did at ABS-CBN TV Karen Davilla’s Q & A). Ikaw ha, pinapahirapan mo ako sa question mo. Ma Inglish nga kita.

I don’t want to stand, I want to sit. I don’t like either K-12 or K-11; I liked K-9 dog style!

MORTZ: What can you say on the violence that explodes in Mindanao?

ALMA: Kayo naman Mr. Ortigoza, ni guitar nga hindi ako marunong mag play, violen pa na mas mahirap.

Tanong ninyo ako ng ibat-ibang holen, baka masagot ko pa.

***

Senatorial bet Alma Moreno told me how smart she was when she was a kid. “Those neighbourhood guys asked me to climb a mango tree to get some ripe fruits”. She said when her mother learned about her feat, she told Alma that those boys were not really in after for her to climb the tree but to take a peek on her p*nty.

Alma confidently told her concerned mother: ” Inang naman I was smart, I took them off!”

PACQUIAO

Q: Congressman Pacquiao, despite your being a rich boxing icon now I heard you and your brother Bobby experienced discrimination when you were studying at the Mababang Paaralan ng San Andres Bukid in Quezon City. Paki explain ninyo nga sir ano ang nangyari.

A: Hindi ko makalimutan iyong masakit na nakaraan sa buhay namin ni Bobby. Tinatanong namin si Mommy Dionesia noon bakit pag naglalaro kami ng mga kaklase namin tinutukso nila kaming “Bisaya matigas ang dila”. Sabi ng Ina namin: “Anak, pag pasensiyahan mo na lang sila dahil Bisaya tayo. Tapos iyong mga teachers namin lagi kaming pinapagalitan pero pag kaharap iyong mga Tagalog na klasmeyt namin lagi silang nilalambing. Sabi ng nanay namin: “Anak, pag pasensiyahan mo na lang sila dahil Bisaya tayo”. Pero tinanong uli namin ang nanay Dionesia namin bakit pag naliligo kami sa ilog, mas malaki ang ari namin kesa sa mga kaklase namin: Sabi ng ina namin: “Pesteng yawa mga anak, dahil kayo ni Bobby ay 18 at 16 years old na at iyong mga kaklase ninyo sa Grade 3 ay mga 10 years old pa lamang.

APEC IS NOT SPORT. After I interviewed in a Q & A style the other day actress and senatorial bet ALMA MORENO, she twitted me with the following :

(You can read my selected columns at http://mortzortigoza.blogspot.com and articles at P’nan Biggest News. You can send comments too at totomortz@yahoo.com )