By Mortz C. Ortigoza
For several weeks already I’ve been strutting with gusto my
gab, er, chatter on “talk radio”.
It is a co-anchor
morning broadcast opened by Eagle’s Jack Walsh’s rock piece “Life in a Fast Lane”.
Hunchback or Kuba or Bugtot in the Philippines |
In my early endeavors, I invited public officials like
Congressman Pol Bataoil, Dagupan City Mayor Belen T. Fernandez, local
government units’ officials and even heads of private industries like the Information
Technology and Business Process Management (IT-BPM).
It’s a self-learning experience. For example, I just
learned in my research before I faced my guest that the ICT-BPM is a $25 billion for this year business.
Thanks to our cheap and American English proficient labor force, the Indians who used to reign on this industry was literally biting the dust from us Flips, er, Filipinos
Thanks to our cheap and American English proficient labor force, the Indians who used to reign on this industry was literally biting the dust from us Flips, er, Filipinos
“That $25 billion
is almost near the $28 billion remittances yearly sent by our 2.4 million
overseas contract workers (results from the 2015 Survey),” I quipped when Wilson Manalo, Vice President of ICT Council in
Dagupan City, told me about the 2016 revenue projection in our country from ICT-BPM.
This “Sunshine Industry” that presently employed more
than a million Filipinos is projected to generate up to $55 billion by 2020 or
roughly 11 percent of the country’s Gross Domestic Product (GDP), according to World Bank estimates.
The ICT-BPO jibes with Dagupan City’s Mayor Belen
Fernandez three growth areas program where the mayor wanted to snare 5000 jobs in
three years for the people in and outside of the burgeoning city to have jobs
as animators, call center agents, software developers, game developers,
engineering designers, and medical transcriptionists.
Even the Pangasinan's provincial government and Mangaldan’s local
government unit, as I monitored in media outlets, want to emulate Mayor
Fernandez who positions the city as haven for IT-BPM.
Many of our radio interviews were simultaneously videoed through
social media’s Face Book live feed so more people could watch or hear the
program.
***
Lately, I and Audrey Hidalgo had a series of interviews with the city’s
hottest band Les Five, an undertaker, and an embalmer --- the last two were timed after the spate of killings of narcotic peddlers by the police
and death squads
I was looking to interview, too midgets or ‘dwarfs, gays with big implanted boobs, labandera
(laundry hand washers), other queer individuals.
I plan to discuss with them how they lived, their priorities
in life, others.
I even sang the Eagle’s piece “Desperado” in that radio and video program after Les Five rendered Fra Lippo Lippi’s “Stiches and Burns” and Apo Hiking
Society’s “When I Met You”.
As I posted the kind of program we were foisting to the
amused listeners and watchers at FB from various places in the world, Michelle
Zarate Liaonag, a woman of class and substance and owner of the music bar Rag
Time, commented to me at FB:
“There is variety!
Great concept! You can tackle anything under the sun whether it is current
issues, lifestyle or what have you”.
****
Here’s one of the excerpts of our interview with embalmer
Robbie Undang, who embalmed more than a thousand cadavers, and Andy Abalos, another
embalmer, mortician, and proprietor of the bigger Abalos Funeral Parlor in
Dagupan City.
ME: May experienced
na ba kayo Andy na ang namatay ay kuba o hunchback?
ANDY: Opo.
ANDY: Iyong pagka
kuba naayos naman po, pero ang sitwasyon niya ganoon na rin.
ME: Ipapatagilid
ninyo ang bangkay? Kung saan ang salamin ng kuba nasa gilid din?
ANDY: Ay hinde ho!
Kasi iyong higaan ng kuba sa coffin iyon naman ang iaayos natin.
AUDREY: Parang
platform?
ANDY: Parang (foam
na) kama. Kamang merong butas sa bandang likod
para maisuksok ang bukol ng kuba ha, ha, ha!!
***
Then I told the mortician Andy and embalmer Rob about the
story of a dead Jonathan Tambok (not Jonathan Tandoc who is the publisher of
the Regional Examiner Newspaper).
“While examining the body of Mr. Tambok, the embalmer
noticed that the corpse had the largest peni_s he had ever seen.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Tambok," the embalmer said, "But I would not allow you to be cremated without the people seeing you having the biggest male organ the Filipino race have ever seen” he whispered near the ear of the deceased.
Then the embalmer cut the biggest pen_s in the archipelago, placed it in a jar, closed it and put the jar in his knapsack. When he got home, he decided to show it to his wife Berta.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Tambok," the embalmer said, "But I would not allow you to be cremated without the people seeing you having the biggest male organ the Filipino race have ever seen” he whispered near the ear of the deceased.
Then the embalmer cut the biggest pen_s in the archipelago, placed it in a jar, closed it and put the jar in his knapsack. When he got home, he decided to show it to his wife Berta.
"I have
something to show you that you won't believe," he said, removing the
jar from his knapsack and showed the biggest seven inches organ the proud
Filipino race would crow to the world.
"Oh my God!" she screamed, "Jonathan Tambok is dead!"
"Oh my God!" she screamed, "Jonathan Tambok is dead!"
NOTE: If you’re Face Book is open, you can watch this
hilarious interview by copying and posting the following link at the https of
your computer: https://www.facebook.com/mortzortigoza/videos/vb.569334707/10154513114504708/?type=3&theater
(You can read my selected columns at http://mortzortigoza.blogspot.com and articles at Pangasinan News Aro. You can send comments too at totomortz@yahoo.com)
(You can read my selected columns at http://mortzortigoza.blogspot.com and articles at Pangasinan News Aro. You can send comments too at totomortz@yahoo.com)
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