MILITARY ATTACHE AND THE PEN PUSHER

By Mortz Ortigoza

Military Attaché

Noun

An officer in the armed forces who is assigned to the official staff of an ambassador, consul general, or minister.

Eight years ago today at the Veterans Day I saw a dark “bald shaved” guy wearing a military blue blouse embellished by military decorations. He was seated near Pangasinan “Acting Governor” Ming Rosario.

“Is he the head of the army band brought by NOLCOM Lt. Gen. Gaudencio Pangilinan?” I posed to Ming.

“That guy comes from the U.S Embassy. He is the military attaché representing Harry Thomas,” Acting Guv Ming told me.

“Who is Harry Thomas?” Media men Romeo Boncato of CNN (Camarines News Network) and Alex Tulao of BBC (Basilan BuSayap Corporation) simultaneously asked me.

“Geez my men, he is the U.S ambassador to the Philippines. He is the look alike of Light Heavyweight boxer James “Fat Man” Toney. He is a good man like you. The only difference is his IQ and yours. He sometimes speaks Tagalog,” I told the wide-eyed and enlightened members of the fourth-estate.

“Are you a major?” I asked the guy in the decorated blue dress by pointing to his silver oak leaf at his shoulder.

MILITARY ATTACHES: From photo above clockwise: I am with United States Embassy - Philippines Military Attache' Marine Lt. Colonel Ferdinand Llantero.  Vietnam Military Attache', me, and Vietnamese Ambassador to the Philippines Ly Quoc Tuan, South Korean Military Attache' Marine Lt. Colonel and I. This was before my interview with South Korean Ambassador to the Philippines Kim Jae Shin.

“Naah, I’m a Lt. Colonel,” he retorted.

“Ah, Philippine Armed Forces are not really a copy-cat of the U.S military. A single sun represents a rank of major in the Philippines. In the U.S, the distinction is not on the quantity of leaf but on the colour of leaf or whatever symbol there is. In the US a silver oak leaf identifies a Lt. Colonel, while a gold oak leaf represents a major,” I told myself after I read the Wikipidea in my laptop.

“We do not have oak leaves here in the Philippines. They were all burned by illegal loggers as they sold all the logs to the market,” Boncato and Alex whispered to me.

I held firmly the arms of the duo and told them emphatically in whisper to better pack their things and go home as there are no oak trees in the country.

“You’re disturbing my interview here,” I chided them.

Would there be more incriminating leaks from Julian Assange ‘s Wiki-Leaks concerning the U.S Embassy in the Philippines?

Lt. Colonel Ferdinand Llantero said he could not comment on that because he was not in the proper position to do so.

“There is an office that could answer it,” he quipped.

“Are there more military aids coming in the pipeline from Uncle Sam?

He reiterated that he was not in the position to answer it. But he said that every time a US carrier like George Washington docks in the country’s port, the local economy benefits at a tune of $20 million or more than P500 million in terms of multiplier effect.

He told me that the last and final batches of Vietnam vintage Huey combat and utility helicopters were not hands-me-down as I termed it but refurbished choppers.

I told him that the Aquino administration has cancelled the second batches of the 15 PZL W-3 Sokol helicopters from Poland because of overpriced complemented by Philippine “creatively corrupt” government and military officials.

“Maan, those “Dumb Ass Mother Fucker” choppers have been rejected by backward state Burma (Myanmar) by returning all of them to their maker Swidnek in Poland. Even those former commies states in Eastern Europe ain’t like them,” I emphatically told the colonel by mimicking Papa Floyd Mayweather Sr. every time he is being interviewed by those boxing websites in the U.S.

I told him too that the Israelis were selling their lethal Bell Cobra helicopter much cheaper than those Sokol but the US government would not allow the missile system as part of the package for us Flips. That’s what former Defense Secretary Hermogenes Ebdane told me before when the helicopter thing cropped-out in our discussion, I told the Marine colonel.

“Ar yah uh memba of the elite Marine Recon? Were yah assigned in Afghanistan and Aaay Rockkk(Iraq and tawag dito mga kafatid),” I posed my double headers trying-hard-copy-cat American- accented questions I learned from Papa Floyd Sr. and Howard Stern at Sirius Radio.

“Hindi, nasa Engineering ako. Graduate kasi ako ng U.E (University of the East). Taga-Zambales ako at na-assigned lang ako sa Iraq (pronounced with a Filipino accented “ ih-rak”),” he nonchalantly told me.

I chided again Boncato and Alex, my two gofers” Bakit nandito pa tayo, dapat umuwi na tayo marunong pala managalog itong U.S Marine Colonel!”

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(You can read my selected columns at http://mortzortigoza.blogspot.com and articles at Pangasinan News Aro. You can send comments too at totomortz@yahoo.com)